I'm a Catalyst

I speed up your reactions, relationships, discoveries.

I give myself credit for meaningful input into the lives of others

which ends up altering important decisions and opinions

in a fashion that better fits their natural tastes and tendencies

minus the hobble-squabble of what they should do because others said so.

I am the others and I am an indirect contributor to accelerated action.

You won't find my name in the products or reactants changed

through the reaction, I will speak until what I support progresses positively.

Sometimes people don't realize they're not being deep,

and the discoveries they're making aren't extraordinary.

What happens when you don't listen?

I speed up your reactions, relationships, discoveries.

I'm a catalyst.

I'm free. Nearly from the grips of final exams, but in a broader sense, I'm as free as a delusional radical leftist. To feel this love for life! Why haven't I felt it for so long? Witnessing the broader picture -- appreciating the details from a distance. Where did the poetry go? The inner song I sang? Am I delusional?

Hard corners and rough surfaces, sand paper polishes us down. Packed neatly into boxes with the promise that we'll be shipped soon to Jerusalem.

We'll be saved and destroyed and saved, because it's a miracle and not a coincidence!

Physics right now. Scattered thoughts, but constant joy. Need to buy mum something but can't fit anything in the suitcase. The one suitcase. The one carry-on less than 12 kg. Bother.

I'm an excited kind of tired. Optimistic? There's so much to do and all the time in the world, sometimes.

You're so clever. I feel good. Do you feel good? I wish I could make a video without being worried. I'm afraid of public speaking and didn't used to be. Time to conquer! Next year's schedule looks really tough. It's funny, though, how the less stressed you are the better you end up doing, assuming you still care and all, anyway.

Ball pens feel so lovely when they glide across the top sheet in a stack of papers. Papist. Weird thoughts. Ick.

Viscous liquid, I don't want to be you. I want to be a bouncy ball of eternal goodness. One of those matte, rubber ones that gets a jagged, shiny edge in the sphere when your nail accidentally chips a chunk out. And a dolphin right in the center. We're swimming with dolphins on the Big Island! That's been one of my life dreams since elementary school. But I'm not as excited about it now as I would have been then. I used to pretend I was a dolphin in the pool, and we had a dolphin school. Where'd my imagination run off to? Frozen bread tastes good when toasted for about 3 minutes. I'll probably miss freshly baked bread out of everything in London. I love bread. I love lamp. I love carpet.

Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods? *rocks out* I need a hero!

Why are people so sensitive and fragile? Why are people so insecure? Why do they act like they're not? Physics... freedom!

Should I do what makes me happy? Why is it so difficult to answer that question?

Stupid computer. Stupid computer.

FAIL.

Dear Believers and Motivational Speakers,

Let me be your patient for five minutes. Okay, well it's been over a month. I can't believe it's March already! I've been taking many pictures and putting them up on facebook of my surroundings. Speak also like Yoda I do. Keeping up a blog is really hard work... especially when you feel like you're talking to a wall or that one guy that lives in his mom's basement or that angsty pre-pubescent girl that isn't reminiscent of my teenage years at all. HOLY CRAP I'M 20! JEEZUS.

I still automatically write 19 on forms whenever I'm asked for my age. Not that you care. I'm in London, so let's stop being Narcissus for once and check that out.

I don't get out much. When I do get out it's to go on organized group tours (aka: field trips for 20-somethings, apparently). I am quite lazy aren't I... Still talking about myself. When I used to write blogs, I tried to never use the word "I." When I spoke too, I guess it made me come off as selfless if I didn't say "I". I was a social butterfly once, but then I realized I don't care for most people. Now don't mix that up with I don't care "about" them, because I honestly do wish that everyone can live the best life possible, but I usually define "best life" by my standards and thereby mentally confront protestors with a "shove off," sometimes visible in a facial expression. But I do care, in a different kind of way. Especially about starving African children. I love how this paragraph had the most "I"'s of any paragraph I've ever written. Well that didn't help, did it.

LONDON, by the way, Christina. London is a lovely place and I can imagine living the rest of my life here. I'm sure many people "can" imagine living the rest of their lives in London, anyway, but I mean I would enjoy the experience a lot. I find it a much better place to live with a family than New York. There's something about green that's so inviting. All the parks dispersed through the city, only blocks apart, make a huge difference to the atmosphere (and probably air quality too). I'd much rather have a bunch of small, block-sized parks than one large, central-but-actually-farwards-uptown park. New York is great in short bursts, but not for a lifetime, in my humble insignificant opinion. I'm sure many New Yorkers with great hubris will say otherwise. And those without, but they're probably tourists. Tangent again.

London. Well I went to Edinburgh for my birthday, which is in Scotland, in case you didn't know -- much like myself before I arrived in the UK. Again, there's something about (Mary) green that resonates with a deep, spiritual and genuinely happy side of me. Where's the happy medium between greenery and accessibility? Manoa doesn't seem too bad. I wonder how the outer boroughs of London are in comparison, besides colder.

Extra extra (yes 2x) large pizzas in London are like smalls in America but cost twice as much. Talk about a rip off, Papa Johns. Might as well just hop on over to Italy to get some real quality pizza, or even just take a 2 hour train ride to Paris for some delicious baked goods. I wonder if I can purchase my Spring Break tour tickets yet -- waiting for the heads up from the father, bearer of all things financial. I feel like such a middle class white girl that went to private school... oh, right, that's me.

We watched Eddie Izzard today in my Modern Drama class. This week has been full of midterm paper deadlines of essays that are 5-10 pages long (I had three due and wrote around 5500 words total minus works cited areas, if you're gonna count that... that's 22 pages of writing double spaced in a week! Not that it matters, I'm just competitive by nature. Oh Darwin), so (yeah I had to read what I was writing about before the parentheses too) that was (yeah... you get it) a nice break from the stress and six hours of sleep over two nights. That rarely happens to me, and I really don't procrastinate, so I guess I'm just a really slow, methodical worker. That's a great interviewing tactic, isn't it? Turning a negative into a positive? Reminds me of Steve Carrell when he plays Michael in The Office.

Stacy and Victor, I don't know how you guys do this everyday. Maybe it just takes getting into the rhythm... or an hour a day, which it took me, believe it or not. Now where's that Ritalin... that I'll never take. Mixed feelings.

I just realized I left a hanging sentence. "(Mary) green that........." What would you fill in the rest of that sentence with had I not just completed it meself?

Cheers and Happy Trails!